Five reasons Emma shouldn't date Regina and one reason she should
by OceanAndARock
Summary: "If you're dating my sister..." Zelena says "We're not dating" Emma automatically corrects her "...you need to up your game."


_AN: Set in a vaguely canonical 4b, except Hook and Robin are not around (maybe they left when they realized no one would miss them)._

 _This is just for fun, it is no way a serious attempt to respond to the disparagers, because life is too short to waste time like that._

 **Five reasons why Emma shouldn't date Regina and one reason why she should.**

 **One: They've both dated men, they must be straight**

"I think Mom would like to go to that new restaurant that's just opened" Henry announces casually when Emma's driving him home one day. "You should take her. She's free on Friday."

Emma is not convinced Regina would really want to go to dinner with her, but Henry was right about the whole Snow White being her mother thing, so she asks and Regina says yes. Emma turns up at Mifflin Street on the Friday wearing her black leather dress, because her son had told her to "wear something nice, and I don't mean your best jeans" and when Regina opens the door wearing a figure hugging midnight blue dress Emma is glad that she listened.

"Wow, you're stunning!" Emma says, feeling embarrassed once her brain catches up with her mouth. Regina just smirks, like she knows exactly how attractive she is and rakes her eyes over Emma before letting her in.

"What's the kid wearing?" Emma asks. "After ordering me to dress up he'd better have made an effort."

Regina's eyes dim, but she smiles wanly and says she's going to hurry Henry up; as she walks up the stairs Emma admires the expanse of bare skin exposed by the low-cut back of her dress. She's up there for a while, during which Emma attempts to bury any less-than-platonic thoughts about her son's other mother, and then Regina reappears with Henry in tow who is rolling his eyes and looking exasperated, like this family meal out wasn't totally his idea.

The meal goes well; Regina's eye-rolling at Emma's jokes is affectionate rather than murderous. Emma is glad Henry suggested they went out, Regina seems relaxed and happy and Emma vows to herself to do whatever she can see Regina like this more often. However the mood is destroyed when Regina goes to use the bathroom and Henry demands to know what he is doing there.

"This meal was your idea. Please tell me you've not been affected by another memory-loss spell!" groans Emma.

"I suggested you take Mom to dinner, I didn't say you should take me too." Henry says, which really doesn't really make any sense, and she's not entirely convinced he hasn't been cursed.

"That's not something we do. If I asked just Regina for dinner she might think it was a date."

"Duh!" says Henry, looking at her like she's an idiot; and whilst Emma couldn't dream of a better mother for Henry than Regina, she does fleetingly wonder if he would have more respect for her if he'd been raised by someone less sarcastic.

"Kid, I'm pretty sure your Mom is straight. She's been with Robin and Daniel and Gr…" Emma falters, not sure what Henry knew about Graham, "… you know, men."

"She also had a relationship with Maleficent" Henry states, then seeing Emma's scowl adds "before you were born. I know it's a bit outdated, but I reckon Mom would be about a four on the Kinsey scale."

Emma would worry about what kind of teenage nerd her son is to have heard of the Kinsey scale, let alone used it to rate his parents, but she is too busy trying to process the suggestion that Regina is not straight.

When Regina returns Emma goes to the bathroom to google what a four on the Kinsey scale means and spends the rest of the date – _not date, family meal_ , struggling to act normal.

 **Two: They're related**

Next time Emma's in Granny's with Henry he tries to talk her into taking Regina to see the movie Carol.

"Kid, you've got to forget this idea of me dating your mother, it's not going to happen. Anyway, what makes you think I'm gay? I dated Hook."

"You went on one date with Hook, then he followed you round whilst you pursued Mom. That's hardly proof of heterosexuality."

"I wasn't _pursuing_ Regina. I was trying to be her friend. I just want her to be happy."

"Must all my sister's suitors be so pathetic?" asks Zelena, who has appeared from nowhere, sliding into the booth and helping herself to Emma's fries. "You're barely an improvement on Robin."

"I've saved Regina's life, more than once." Emma states indignantly. "We moved the moon together. I'm the mother of her son. Robin just had a stupid tattoo."

"So date her!" Henry says, like it's that simple.

"Regina wouldn't want to date me. We may get on now, but I'm still the 'do-gooding idiot' who ruined her last relationship."

"Probably for the best," says Zelena patronisingly. "After all she is technically your step-grandmother. But then again maybe dating a relative is a step up from dating a flying monkey".

 **Three: It's Disney (Disney can't be gay)**

Emma does invite Regina to see Carol. They're friends now and friends should do things together that aren't co-parenting or saving the town from impending doom. The reason they see Carol is definitely not so Emma can gauge Regina's reaction; the only other movie showing is Inside Out and since finding out that fairy-tale characters are real she hasn't been able to watch a new Disney movie without having nightmares.

On the walk home afterwards Regina is in her element being scathing about Richard and Emma wonders if it is wrong of her to find Regina particularly attractive when she is like this. Watching Carol was definitely preferable to a Disney movie, although if Cate Blanchett played a Disney character Emma doesn't think any dreams of her turning up in Storybrooke would be nightmares. She somehow ends up saying this out loud, earning a raised eyebrow and Regina's trademark smirk.

"Why aren't there any gay Disney characters?" Emma ponders, because it seems her brain-to-mouth filter has disappeared to wherever her mother's usually likes to hide. "Was everyone in the Enchanted Forest straight?"

"Your mother never slept with a woman to my knowledge, if that's what you're asking. Although now you mention it she did seem very close to Red. Maybe they had a 'friends-with-benefits' arrangement."

"Christ, Regina, please never talk to me about either of my parent's sex life again!"

Regina relents and answers the question. "No, not everyone in the Enchanted Forest was straight, although it was less easy for royalty to do anything other than enter into a traditional marriage, as they were expected to produce an heir. However as I was already despised I did not see any reason to avoid further disapproval, so after Leo died I had female as well as male partners."

"No one despises you now," says Emma fiercely, her desire to reassure Regina overriding any interest in her sexuality at that moment.

"Not everyone is as forgiving as you, to many I am still the Evil Queen. However it's irrelevant. I have a son who can be whoever he wants to be, and having two mothers hasn't stopped him from becoming a wonderful young man."

 **Four: It'** **s porn**

"How was your date with my sister?" asks Zelena the next time Emma is in Granny's with Henry.

"We had a nice evening, as friends."

"It must have gone well" Henry comments. "Mom was in a really good mood the next morning. She made pancakes for breakfast."

"That's not fair! If she has a good evening with me, I should be the one getting pancakes."

"You should invite yourself round for breakfast." Henry suggests. "If you were there Mom would probably make pancakes especially for you, but act like it was no big deal."

"Or you could invite yourself round for dinner and stay for breakfast" says Zelena winking suggestively, at which Henry pulls a face.

"If you want your mothers to date you're going to have to get used to the idea of them fucking" Zelena admonishes Henry.

"I do not. I plan to never ever think about that aspect" says Henry firmly. "And if you ever mention it again I'll tell Mom you swore in front of me."

"My nephew is blackmailing me, I'm so proud!" replies Zelena fondly.

"We need to focus" Henry says, getting the conversation back on track. "Emma, seeing as it went well it's time to plan your next date. I think you should go to another restaurant, this time without me."

"If you're dating my sister…" Zelena butts in

"We're not dating" Emma automatically corrects her

"… you need to up your game" Zelena continues, ignoring the interruption. "Are you really going to take advice from a twelve-year-old?"

"I'm fourteen!" Henry objects.

Emma would never admit to Zelena that she was right, but maybe movies and dinners are a bit unimaginative. Searching the internet for _ways to bond with your son's other mother when you're not fighting villains_ doesn't come up with anything helpful, so in desperation she searches Pinterest for date ideas. She is contemplating how well Regina would respond to the suggestion of them making a music video together, on a scale of slamming the door in her face to poofing her to the middle of a collapsing rope bridge, when Snow gets home.

"Are you planning a date with Killian?" asks Snow eagerly. Emma bites back a tetchy reply and instead admits she is looking for activities to do with Regina. As friends.

"Henry suggested we went to see Carol." Emma explains. "That went okay so now I'm trying to get some new ideas. Do you think Regina would enjoy paintballing? On second thoughts, she'd probably enjoy shooting me far too much."

"You and Regina took Henry to see Carol? Was that appropriate for someone his age?" asks Snow and the tone of disappointment hurts at least as much now coming from her mother the same age as her as it did from the string of foster parents she'd had growing up.

"He's fourteen, not five and it's not porn! It's a love story between two women. But no, we didn't take him. Henry's intent on getting me to spend time with Regina without him there. He thinks I should date her, which is not going to happen."

"Because you're not gay?" asks Snow.

"I'm not straight." Emma replies, trying not to sound defensive. "I just can't imagine Regina would be interested in me."

Snow doesn't say anything for what feels like an eternity and Emma mentally tries to prepare herself for disapproval or rejection.

Eventually Snow says "Is you and Regina being together such an inconceivable idea? You clearly care for her deeply. Regina's not good at admitting her feelings, but it's obvious you are important to her. You both deserve to find love."

Emma is a little shell-shocked at the speed at which Snow has gone from wanting her to date Killian to wanting her to date Regina, and also wonders if there's anyone in Storybrooke who doesn't have an opinion on the prospect of her dating the mayor.

 **Five: Because Regina tried to kill Emma**

Emma has spent the last four years suppressing her attraction to Regina relatively successfully, but now Henry's insistence that Emma should date his other mother is making it difficult to ignore. Emma appreciates what she now has with Regina, they have worked hard to reach a place of mutual support and understanding, but it was easier to deal with her desire to have sex with Regina before the first curse broke, when she simultaneously wanted to punch her in the face. Now they are friends and Emma wants to punch other people in the face if they are a threat to Regina her attraction to her friend feels inappropriate. She doesn't know why learning Regina is bisexual has brought her feelings to the fore, it's not like Regina's sexuality means she would be attracted to Emma.

It has taken them a long time to get to where they are now and Emma is not going to hurt Regina or destroy what they have by making Regina think that her efforts at friendship have been a prelude to trying to start a romantic relationship with her. Emma knows what it is like to feel that people's affection is conditional on her fulfilling a certain role and Regina deserves friendship and support without the expectation of anything more in return.

Nevertheless she still wants to spend time with Regina, so she invites her to a picnic on the beach on a day she knows Henry already has plans. Emma spends a lot of effort into the preparation, trying to make the day perfect. Frustratingly the effort is unacknowledged by Regina, who is irritable throughout, making snide comments about sand in her food and "given how close you used to be to the blonde in the sparkly polyester, you think you'd have learnt how to cool lemonade."

Emma still walks Regina home at the end of the picnic because she's determined not to let Regina push her away however much of an arsehole she is being right now. Regina lets herself in and stops inside the door like she's waiting for Emma to leave, but Emma just stands transferring her weight awkwardly from one leg to the other, reluctant to leave when she doesn't understand why Regina is in this mood. When Emma doesn't leave Regina snaps.

"What are you waiting for, Emma?"

"Have I done something wrong?" Emma asks, trying not to sound petulant. "Last time you were like this was when I saved Marion's life."

"How would you have me behave? What is it that you want from me?" retorts Regina. "You've told half of Storybrooke that you don't want to date me and that's perfectly understandable, but you act like you're courting me. You brought me exquisite flowers when you picked me up, you've clearly put a lot of effort into preparing the picnic and you insisted on walking me right to the front door afterwards. What is this?"

Emma shrugs. "Can't I do nice things for my friend without an ulterior motive?" she asks sincerely.

"Of course you can," Regina sighs, resigned. "Goodnight Emma" and she closes the door.

It takes Emma a couple of blocks before she's processed exactly what Regina has said, at which point she turns around, runs back to the mansion and hammers on the door. Regina opens the door looking exasperated, but in what Emma hopes is a fond way.

"I didn't tell anyone I don't _want_ to date you. I told them I wasn't _going to_ date you."

"I'm afraid I don't understand the intended nuance. It's still a case of the Evil Queen not being a suitable partner for the Saviour she once tried to kill."

"I thought it was 'just' a sleeping curse and not attempted murder?" jokes Emma. "To me you've only ever been Regina and you're one of the few people who always sees me as Emma, not the Saviour. We're more than the roles we have been assigned. I would love to date you if that was what you wanted, but I didn't think you would want to and I didn't want to ask more of you than you wanted to give."

"You're an idiot" smiles Regina and this time it's definitely fond. Then she steps forward, putting a hand on Emma's waist and kisses her gently, briefly pulling Emma's lower lip into her mouth before releasing it.

"Does this mean you do want to go on a date with me?" asks Emma buoyantly, once she's recovered.

"No" Regina smirks. "You've had enough attempts. This time _you_ are going to go on a date with _me._ It will be a lot less platonic than your efforts." Regina's expression is predatory and Emma gulps.

 **And one reason why she should…**

Regina's date is dinner at the mansion. She sends Henry in a chauffeur driven car to pick Emma up. He knocks on the door bearing a tin of homemade cookies and an absurdly expensive looking bunch of flowers, wearing his best suit; Emma can't believe how grown-up he's getting. He offers her his arm and escorts her to the car and Snow watches from the doorway, beaming soppily as they depart.

"Is Regina trying really hard to impress me or is she just demonstrating how superior she is at arranging dates?" Emma quizzes Henry as the chauffeur drives them to Mifflin Street.

"Probably both" he admits. "She was going to hire a pianist and have me be waiter for the evening, but I persuaded her that it would be more intimate without either, so now I'm going to Nick and Ava's for the night and she's set up a playlist of romantic classical music."

When they arrive Henry escorts Emma to the front door before reverting to his normal teenage self and racing upstairs to change into something more casual, whilst Regina offers Emma a drink.

Henry's parting comment before he leaves them to their date is "I'll be back at ten tomorrow morning and I don't want see anything that's going to traumatize me when I get home."

Emma's worried the food is going to be fancy dishes she's never heard of and that she'll unknowingly use the wrong cutlery, but Regina has made homemade burgers and fries, and a simple but delicious chocolate mousse.

"Marry me" Emma sighs as she finishes the last mouthful of mousse.

"It's a little early for that, dear. Don't you think we should at least sleep together first?" and it is clear from Regina's smirk that it is on the cards for the evening.

Emma intended to be gone before Henry got home the next day, so as to not make it too obvious that she'd spent that night, but Regina lends her soft flannel pyjamas and makes pancakes for breakfast and Emma is too content to want the date to end. When Henry returns home Regina and Emma are curled up together on the sofa looking at baby photos of him. Regina beckons Henry over and Emma ruffles his hair before making a rude comment about a sweater that he'd been particular attached to at the age of four and she thinks maybe this is what home feels like.


End file.
